If desire has mysteriously vanished from your life, you're not alone - and you're definitely not broken. Let's talk about what's really happening when people lose interest in sex, and more importantly, what you can actually do about it.

First things first: if you're navigating a major hormonal transition - pregnancy, postpartum, IVF, perimenopause, menopause, or andropause - call your doctor and ask if you could benefit from hormone replacement therapy. These transitions can absolutely tank your libido, and there are often effective interventions that can help.

But if you've lost your libido and you're not in the middle of a hormonal earthquake, it's probably not your hormones...

Let's talk about the elephant in the dungeon, shall we? When you first realize that your fantasy life involves being tied up, spanked, degraded, or any other flavor of kinky desire, there's often this quiet, panicked moment where you think: "Is something wrong with me?" And if you're on the receiving end of someone else's kinky confession, you might wonder the same about them.

The question lurking beneath the surface is always: "Is this because you were hurt or abused as a child? Are you recreating trauma? Should I be concerned…

Let's talk about something many people take for granted - the idea that sex is a "need." We've all heard it: "Men need sex," "I have needs," or my personal favorite, "I'll die if I don't get laid." But as Emily Nagoski points out in her book "Come As You Are," this framing is not just inaccurate, it's potentially harmful.

Here's a simple thought experiment: What happens when your actual survival is threatened? When you're genuinely starving or dehydrated…

We know what BDSM looks like. Right? I mean, we've seen 50 Shades of Grey. I mean I didn't see it, but the cultural zeitgeist appears to have. It looks like Christian Grey with blindfolds and silver ben wa balls and riding crops and that weird red room with all the fancy hardware. 

But as you also know if you've ever wasted an hour you'll never get back watching the Netflix show "Is It Cake?"—things are not always what they appear to be…

It all begins with an idea.

My thesis is simple: liberation begins in the body.

We've become so disconnected from ourselves that many of us don't know what actually feels good anymore. We don't know how to ask for what we want. We don't know how to say no to what we don't want. We're so busy performing pleasure that we've forgotten how to experience it.

If this world is to be healed, it will happen through honest connection and…